singintherain

About

here is my story...
i lived in Austin with my 3 sisters, my mo and my daddy.. i was always a HUGE daddys girl.. when i was 7 years old i found out that my parents were getting a divorced...so when i was 8 my dad got remarried to this lady and none of us liked her....they were married until i was a freshmen in high school. they bulit this really big pretty house in san antonio, and it was awesome. but we absolutley hated our step mom and her daughter who was like in her twenties.. when he married her, my mom also remarried....3 times, all of them were rude and immature, i remember all of them arguing and yelling constantly with my mom and my 2 big sisters.we then moed to kerrvile tx and lived there for a year, she finally divorced and we moved...again....always moving was very hard, cause i had to make new friends every time, which was hard for me being the little shy awkward girl. that is where my mom met the 2nd husband, they were married for about 3 yrs. he alwasy found stupid resons to argue with my 2 big sisters.
my big sisters turned into these different people, they wore dark makeup and partied all the time, always snuck out, so there was a lot of yelling at the house, mom divorced...again.. and my oldest sister, who i was always the closest to told me she was moving out to live with my dad..i cried and cried cause i would miss her so much.. i was in 5th grade at the time.....my mom started dating people again... alwasy bringing different guys home, she met another one who was very serious, he was very quiet, he never talked to us, my mom would leave us at home all night with my sister who was only in 9th grade, on the weekends and stay with her boyrfriend, so my sister would bring guys over and they would drink and me and my younger sister would sit in our room and pretend it wasnt happening, one night mom and her boyfriend came home to find boys and alcohol in my sisters room with her, they yelled and fought all night long, my sister screamed that she was moving out, so she did as well....so me and my littlee, sister lived at home by ourselves with my mom..
my freshmen year of high school, my mom texted me and told me she was going to pick up my older sister from my dads...on a school night...which was strange,my sister stayed with us for 2 weekes and we had no idea what happened... they finally told us what happened.... my dad was caught with hidden cameras in my step mom and step sisters showers....he was in a lot of trouble so he ran away...no one knew where he was for a week. we were so scared he woldnt talk to anyone, so then we were told we werent allowed to see him anymore.....this hurt me more than anything in the whole world, my dad was my favorite person in the whole world..after about 6 months we got to see him again, but under certain restrictions, so it made it very hard... the rest of my freshmen yr was awful, i had no friends, and i wasnt allowed to see my dad... my sophomore year was the same, my only friend was my big sister, i was a cheerleader for 3 years at my high school, and even they didnt accept me, they treated me like crap..made fun of me and i alwasy got yelled at...i never even talkked..i always went home crying, but i stayed in it cause i actually felt apart of something for once, my junior year i was really into church, i went all the time with my 3 best friends, my youth pastor was the only person i could talk to she knew everything that had happened in my life and was the only one...then my best friends movedaway, and the only person i had was my youth pastor, she was my best friend, i tried cutting myself a couple times and i told her about it but i didnt think it helped at all so i didnt do it again...then my youth pastor moved...i literally had no one, i began cutting, adictively, and then stopped eating... i hated myself so much, i dated different guys all the time and didnt care at all. my mom never cared, she never noticed any of my scares or even that i stopped eating...she os still with the same guy and all she seems to care about is him.. she says he is depressed she says so he lays on the couch all the time watching t.v...it is awful, my mom and him are always arguing, and shes always upset too. i made a best friend finally, ad she is the best friend ive had in a long time, i still cutt.. i dont want to die, i just do it cause i feel like its all i have.. my mom doesnt care about me, my dad i never get to see my sisters either, i just feel so alone.
im scared to death of being alone, ccause thats when the demons come and try to make me hurt myself, i am super self concious about myself. i have insomnia, i hate people looking at me, i used to have an eatingdisorder, and it comes back..a lot, and it scares me.. my favorite saying is Life Goes Om.. and i have a fear of being left..